"Expectation is the root of all heartache."
Expectations are twisted throughout daily life. Whether the expectation is realized or deeply subconscious, they exist for ourselves and others. How do we remove expectations and simply exist in the now? When we are firmly rooted in the present moment, without attachment to future or encumbered by the pain of the past, we can sit in the "what is" without judgment.
This aspect of the human experience is incredibly challenging at times. We formulate to do lists while taking a bath or worry about the afternoon schedule before we have finished our morning coffee.
The difficulty with expectations is that regardless of our attempt at fluidity they are confining and limiting by nature. When they aren't met, as is often the case, they can be a source of heartache and frustration because we were bound to what we expected to be. I have been working on relaxing the rigidity of what I see as eventual outcomes...this is far easier in theory than in practicality. Know that these are personal constructions and in fact the opposite of simply being fully in one moment.
When we place an unconscious or sometimes conscious expectation on anything, we are almost always setting ourselves up for disappointment. I have been trying to establish the expectation for myself as one of honesty and full disclosure of how I am feeling in each moment. I am honoring my human self with the acceptance that these attachments arise and exist....the question is what to do with them when they surface. What if we were attached only to staying in right relation? Vulnerably we honor these human moments and then send them back to the place of release and let go.
Relationships are incredible opportunities to dive deeper into this internal work; be it a romantic partner, a kindred friendship or a familial bond. What can unfold for us within these beautifully human interactions is a deeper understanding and internal introspection. The nature of healthy relationships is that they allow us to open ourselves completely to another person and more importantly open further to ourselves.
Having lost so many people I love, letting go is something I have been forced to do in the physical sense, time and time again. The reality of death is that it reminds us how powerless we are to control desired outcomes. We don't get to choose when we say goodbye to a loved one or how long they are here in their physical body. This feeling of powerlessness often pushes people to exert control in other areas of their lives. Shortly after my brother died, I watched myself do just this, because honestly acknowledging my lack of control was utterly terrifying. Years later I realized I was trying to control the outcome in a more subtle way by the partners' I called into my life. I was choosing partnerships that felt safe, that felt sure. Only within the past few years have I been dancing with the uncertainty in life, in a way that positively pushes me to grow and look into the deeper wounds that exist. Calling in friendships and relationships that ask me to let go, to trust, to allow for the space of the heavens to dance between these divine unions. People who reminded me I couldn't control the outcome of events but more importantly that I no longer want to. I am working daily to sit in each moment of love, connection, fear, and sorrow with a degree of non-attachment. It's not that I care less about these people or these dreams it's that I am allowing them to create space within my own heart for the possibility of so much more.